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Time for an Update!

I should really write more often... always feel better after I do.


G00d n00z: I got a job. Sort of. I'm helping out with sound & stage bizness at a great little venue in Seattle that is becoming kind of a big deal for both touring and local acts. The other night we had Bloodgroup in from Iceland, and it was the first time I'd ever heard Icelandic spoken in person, which was pretty flipping rad. Coordinating when to come in/when I am needed/etc has been interesting, but they seem happy with me so far & I'm hoping it leads to a more solid, steady gig.

Bad n00z: Running around looking for jobz, apts, figuring out $, unemployment, student loans, LIFE, etc really wore me down, and the cold I had a few weeks ago relapsed into a sinus infarkshun of d00m with a "viral component" (whatever that means) which got down into my lungs, also. I never usually go to the Dr for a cold. I take vitamins and rest and shake it off and I'm good... inside of a week, usually. This had me all dizzy & w00zy, weak and shaking & sweating and sleeping 20 hours a day yet getting worse, and basically wanting to die, so I went to the ER. Where they told me all evening that I was next in line and then made me wait for nearly 6 hours. I knew it might be a long wait, but do not tell someone one thing and then totally do another, goddammit! The Drs were wonderful, downright lovely & helpful, and I even got a ride home from Public Safety since it was 5:30 in the morning & I didn't want to have to call someone. But I did lodge a complaint about the front-end staff, who were laughing and kind of partying like it was 1999 while people bled, hurt, complained, germed all over the place, and suffered in that waiting room. Clinical detachment, MY ASS.

But! I'm mostly better now, so yay. :)

I haven't been getting out much lately due to sickness and lack of fundz, but this weekend looks to be pretty snazzy. Might be meeting up with a friend later, but I'm probably working a show tonight, and maybe tmrw night. If not I'll be going to dinner with Ty at a friend's place, and then to see Suckerpunch or doing something else datey. We need a night like that. His grandma passed away last week, and he was in Wisconsin for the funeral for about 5 days. My whole hospital adventure/starting of the new job when I felt like ASS was even ~more~ fun because I was kinda lonely on top of it. I did need some alone time, most definitely... but last week was fucking NOT the time for it. SItting in taht waiting room feeling like I would be there til the world ended, 3000 miles from anyone I was close to and the one person I'm close to here being away... it just sucked ballz. Since Ty's been back, we've had some really happity, reconnectful times. Last night I was very happy to see his blraghful mood from another annoying workday turn into energetic smiling, after relaxing together for about an hour. I'm very glad to have a similar effect on him as he does on me. :) On Saturday there's a garden planting party in our friend's big backyard that I'm looking forward to, and I hope the weather will be nice for it. I'll probably be working Saturday night, and Sunday will likely be a nice relaxing day involving brunch & snugglingz & thingz of that nature. Next week theres a bunch of fun stuff going on as well, and I shall be having a visitor the week after! Good timez abound. :)

I've done a fair bit of writing, thinking, processing, etc. lately. A lot of it could be considered freewriting for my book. I'm in another one of those periods, though, where I am not sure if I actually want to write it. I have scenes and chapters, outlines, concepts, fits & starts... and some really good ideas for how to make sense of things I was previously struggling with, and how to structure the alternate timelines without getting my own brainz confused, much less the readers. People have been enthusiastic as well as intrigued by the premise of it, but what it really comes down to is like that one episode of Mighty B00sh: "I want to write this book, but do I REALLY?" "I want to tell this story in my own way, for my own purposes... but do I REALLY want to?"

It's just going to be so damned *time-consuming*, and the longer I'm here in Seattle the more I kinda just want to let the real-life events that the novel is based on kind of DIE. Or fade into dusty bins of memory, or something equally emotardical-sounding. But then I get this quiet, yet persistent voice nagging at me, saying that I'm never really going to feel better about certain things, especially when so much of my anger, hurt, and frustration over certain events stemmed from feeling like I was bound and gagged as they were unfolding. Health concerns, family bizness, a strong desire to keep my personal life out of the public eye and maintain professionalism as much as I could all bound together to = My side has never really been heard other than by a handful of close friends I could actually flail about and go to pieces around when it was needed. Part of me wonders if I will ever truly feel closure about various situations or like I've fully left it behind if I *don't* write it. So I'm pretty much just getting it out as the moods strike me and not pushing myself to work on it if the motivation isn't there. Guess that's the only thing *to* do, for the time being.


I've been in processing mode, quite thoroughly, since being here... and it feels like I've been here so much longer than two months! :) I'm very happy with how things are unfolding and want & need to get out and do more/see more of my new home city. I'm getting used to the clean buses and the lay of the land, of the downtown skyline including low-hanging clouds & the Space Needle, with the sun breaking through more often than you'd think... and everywhere smelling like fresh air with a hint of coffee, evergreens, and a little salt air. I love it here. And there is a ton of amazing stuff to look forward to, which I'll get into more as it happens. I just wish part of me didn't feel almost-afraid of all these good things, because after everything, I don't trust ANYTHING to last... I don't know how to fix that.


Just like everything else, though... I'm working on it.


*

Comments

( 1 frijole — add some beanz )
nessur
Apr. 22nd, 2011 07:08 pm (UTC)
Every time I visited Boston, I could always smell the sea so vividly. That smell, the way my nose and lungs felt, was such a strong memory that it kept me coming back again and again until I finally just left Chicago behind.

Moving to a new city is definitely a lot of work. Having done it twice, now, I'm reluctant to try again soon.
( 1 frijole — add some beanz )

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